My name is Corey Diamond and I am currently concluding my freshman year at Rider University in Lawrenceville NJ. I am a Communications Major working towards a degree in Public Relations. Along, with my academic pursuits I am also a starting defender for Rider's men's soccer team which is a division 1 program.
While at Rider I will be taking courses in the communications department including Speech Communication, Public Relations, Persuasive Writing and several more as I work to obtain my degree.
I am an extremely hard working and goal oriented individual. My life experiences have enabled me to persevere through adversity and my soccer playing career has granted me great experience with working cooperatively with other team members.
3 comments:
Corey,
I really like your blog. It's very professional and shows a lot about you. It was a good idea to put your persuasive speech from class about soccer on it, because it was a very good presentation and the power point and video really show your passion and love for soccer. It will show your creativity to any employers viewing it. It's good to show how passionate you are about soccer, because it shows that you are a dedicated person. The last paragraph in your bio is great; it's important to let your potential employers what kind of person you are. Saying that you are a hard working and goal oriented person will tell them a lot about you, and make them want to hire you. I also really like how you put how soccer has helped you to develop important life skills, like being a team member. The bio is interesting and appealing.
Your resume is good, but could use a little more information. Think about adding more to it to show what kind of worker you are. The volunteer work and club affiliations are good, but you should tell what skills you had to use for both of them. It will show what you are capable of doing as an employer and show what kind of experience you have. Tell what kinds of things you had to do for the volunteer work, too. It will show that you are a well rounded person that does more than just play sports.
Your presentation of your blog and resume was very good. You were well spoken and professional. I like that you show confidence in your speeches, because it makes people want to listen to you. You seemed a little tense during it though. Try to relax and be comfortable with what you're presenting. It's easy to see that you are well qualified for any position coaching soccer, so you have no reason to be tense. Nice work!!!
Corey,
I think overall you did a very nice job on your presentation. You have come a long way from your first elevator speech! I think that you described yourself and your experiences with soccer in a very professional way. Your tone of voice made you seem very passionate and enthusiastic about playing and teaching soccer. You were clear, seemed very confident and had a nice posture during your presentation.
I also really like your blog. I think that the picture you chose is very professional and is a nice touch to your page. Your about me is very descriptive, and lists enough information for future employers to get a good idea about who you are. However, I would write more information about your experiences and future goals. This will allow people to not only see what you have achieved, but also how far you plan on taking yourself in your future. I also think putting your two YouTube videos up on your blog was a great idea. This will allow future employers to see how well you speak in public, and since they both relate to soccer, employers will also be able to see your passion for the sport even more. I like your resume, it is descriptive and strong. Some things that I would recommend adding to your blog would be photos of you interacting with the children you taught, as well as pictures of you playing soccer. I would also post links to soccer related websites you like, Rider University as well as other schools that you have played soccer at. Overall, I think you did very well on this speech. Your speeches get better and better each time!
Corey,
Your blog is very well done and your presentation of it was very well delivered.
In your presentation, you had great projection. You also showed lots of confidence and enthusiasm. This enthusiasm really gets the audience engaged in what you have to say.
Your blog is also well put together. Some suggestions I have would be to make sure you include an "objective" on the top of your resume. Also, on your resume, it would be a good idea to briefly describe the responsibilities you held in each of the organizations you included on it. You are and have been involved in a lot of impressive associations that would qualify you directly for a job relating to soccer. Your involvement deserves to be elaborated on.
In your blog, I think it would look better if you cahnged the location of the "Rider University Men's Soccer" link if possible. A better place could be either below your picture or somewhere in the body of the blog. Your bio. is very well written and you have applicable slides and power points included.
One other suggestion I have is that it could be beneficial to include one thing that is not soccer-related in your blog to showcase other skills you possess.
Like I said, overall, you did a great job with the blog and presentation.
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